Alfie Kohn is the author of nine previous books, including Punished by Rewards and The Schools Our Children Deserve, that have helped to shape the thinking of parents and educators across the country and abroad. He lectures widely and lives (actually) with his family in the Boston are and (virtually) at www.alfiekohn.org.
Most parenting guides begin with the question "How can we get kids to do what they're told?" and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, "What do kids need - and how can we meet those needs?" What follows from that quetion are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them.
One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.
More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting - including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.
很多时候我们在和孩子相处过程中依靠的是一种惯性,依靠着是自己身上从父辈身上承袭下的经验;却很少静下来反思一下这些方式都是对的吗?特别很多时候我们在生活的轨道上疲于应付,孩子往往成了导致情绪崩溃的最后一根稻草。我们会咆哮,会愤怒,会后悔,会懊恼,但下次周而复...
評分几年前读过一次科恩的《无条件养育》,当时看得一知半解,留下了好些疑问。这几年不断的学习育儿知识,也在和一些好学的妈妈们的交流讨论中成长了不少,我自己也在各种不同的渠道里和大家分享过自己在育儿道路上的一些小小心得体会。于是,最近又把《无条件养育》这本书翻出来...
評分把你的孩子当盘菜 【文】王传言 你希望你的孩子未来是什么样子的?面对这个疑问你可能会想出很多答案。但是,你有没有想过一个问题:你的孩子希望自己未来是什么样子的。你的孩子是按照你的路数去走完自己的路还是要按照自己的路数去经营人生,这一点至关重要也是该书的终极思...
評分没有任何一种教育方式适合所有的孩子, 在看了大量的育儿书籍后,那些教育上的技巧在刚开始被建立,后来又逐渐被推翻,比如在《超级育儿师》系列节目被频繁用到的"time out"(爱的暂停)方法曾经红极一时,后来又出现大量的理论和实例去推翻这种做法。 因为有这种经历的孩子为...
評分One of the best parenting books I've ever read. Answered most of my questions regarding discipline. I have changed my old practices and need to revise my previous writings.
评分一,作為父母,無條件地愛孩子,是由於ta是你的孩子,而不是由於ta做瞭哪些可以讓你自豪的事。這種無條件的愛,既不是溺愛,也不是對你的孩子市恩市義(所謂養育之恩,即屬市恩市義)。二,做齣恰當決定的能力需要從幼年一點點培養、曆練,並讓孩子瞭解每一項決定都與責任的承擔有關。學習做齣恰當決定的途徑,恰恰是通過做決定本身,而非通過聽從他人指導。三,要有勇氣、有能力麵對和質疑自己的養育經曆以及被養育的經曆。是的,人通常不願意質疑自己、質疑自己親近的人,尤其是自己父母。但誰都不是完人,包括你和你父母,所以,隻要用心,一定會找到可以改進的地方,使自己變得更好並嘗試做更好的父母。
评分一,作為父母,無條件地愛孩子,是由於ta是你的孩子,而不是由於ta做瞭哪些可以讓你自豪的事。這種無條件的愛,既不是溺愛,也不是對你的孩子市恩市義(所謂養育之恩,即屬市恩市義)。二,做齣恰當決定的能力需要從幼年一點點培養、曆練,並讓孩子瞭解每一項決定都與責任的承擔有關。學習做齣恰當決定的途徑,恰恰是通過做決定本身,而非通過聽從他人指導。三,要有勇氣、有能力麵對和質疑自己的養育經曆以及被養育的經曆。是的,人通常不願意質疑自己、質疑自己親近的人,尤其是自己父母。但誰都不是完人,包括你和你父母,所以,隻要用心,一定會找到可以改進的地方,使自己變得更好並嘗試做更好的父母。
评分One of the best parenting books I've ever read. Answered most of my questions regarding discipline. I have changed my old practices and need to revise my previous writings.
评分車軲轆話翻來倒去的說,真的很佩服老外。不過這個概念我非常接受
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