Alfie Kohn is the author of nine previous books, including Punished by Rewards and The Schools Our Children Deserve, that have helped to shape the thinking of parents and educators across the country and abroad. He lectures widely and lives (actually) with his family in the Boston are and (virtually) at www.alfiekohn.org.
Most parenting guides begin with the question "How can we get kids to do what they're told?" and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, "What do kids need - and how can we meet those needs?" What follows from that quetion are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them.
One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.
More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting - including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.
看了前三章,心情很沉重。作者说的有条件养育我深有体会,因为爸爸就是这样教育我们的。我现在已经当妈了,近三十的人了,但还是能很清晰的记得,读中学的时候爸爸是怎么教育的。人生中两次重要的考试,初中升高中和高中升大学,我成绩不稳,模拟考都考得很烂,爸爸就绷着个脸...
评分 评分最近看了两本教育方面的书,《阅读的力量》和《无条件养育》。第一本是讲自由、自愿的阅读的好处,拖泥带水的几百页,读完就记得这个结论了。 《无条件养育》倒是在很大程度上与我之前的想法冲突很大。 论坛里面经常有父母讨论如何教育孩子的,“那天终于忍不住揍了他一顿”...
评分有条件养育下成长的我,如何无条件养育自己的孩子? 这是我从小就在思考的问题,当然彼时还不晓得「有条件」「无条件」的概念,只是困惑,「幼时在暴烈环境下幸存的人,未来可能对自己的孩子温柔以待吗?」听闻过太多不幸的宿命循环,对这个问题自然格外观照。 接触到「无条件...
评分《无条件养育》的作者认为应当慎用表扬,就如同慎用批评一样,孩子不应该因为做某事而被爱,应该因为他们是孩子而被爱。行为主义的方法如同驯狗,将食物、玩具、表扬(或者说成人的喜爱)作为奖励和惩罚的手段,使年幼的孩子时时生活担心自己会受表扬还是批评的巨大压力...
One of the best parenting books I've ever read. Answered most of my questions regarding discipline. I have changed my old practices and need to revise my previous writings.
评分车轱辘话翻来倒去的说,真的很佩服老外。不过这个概念我非常接受
评分One of the best parenting books I've ever read. Answered most of my questions regarding discipline. I have changed my old practices and need to revise my previous writings.
评分一,作为父母,无条件地爱孩子,是由于ta是你的孩子,而不是由于ta做了哪些可以让你自豪的事。这种无条件的爱,既不是溺爱,也不是对你的孩子市恩市义(所谓养育之恩,即属市恩市义)。二,做出恰当决定的能力需要从幼年一点点培养、历练,并让孩子了解每一项决定都与责任的承担有关。学习做出恰当决定的途径,恰恰是通过做决定本身,而非通过听从他人指导。三,要有勇气、有能力面对和质疑自己的养育经历以及被养育的经历。是的,人通常不愿意质疑自己、质疑自己亲近的人,尤其是自己父母。但谁都不是完人,包括你和你父母,所以,只要用心,一定会找到可以改进的地方,使自己变得更好并尝试做更好的父母。
评分One of the best parenting books I've ever read. Answered most of my questions regarding discipline. I have changed my old practices and need to revise my previous writings.
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