In this groundbreaking guide, the prominent therapist Dr. Robin Stern shows how the Gaslight Effect works, how you can decide which relationships can be saved and which you have to walk away from—and how to gasproof your life so you’ll avoid gaslighting relationship.

Your husband crosses the line in his flirtations with another woman at a dinner party. When you confront him, he asks you to stop being insecure and controlling. After a long argument, you apologize for giving him a hard time.

Your mother belittles your clothes, your job, and your boyfriend. But instead of fighting back, you wonder if your mother is right and figure that a mature person should be able to take a little criticism.

If you think things like this can’t happen to you, think again. Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from.

Are you being gaslighted? Check for these telltale signs:

1) Does your opinion of yourself change according to approval or disapproval from your spouse?

2) When your boss praises you, do you feel as if you could conquer the world?

3) Do you dread having small things go wrong at home—buying the wrong brand of toothpaste, not having dinner ready on time, a mistaken appointment written on the calendar?

4) Do you have trouble making simple decisions and constantly second guess yourself?

5) Do you frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to your family and friends?

6) Do you feel hopeless and joyless?