Every book of "humorous quotations" features the same tired one-liners from dead white males like Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain—until now. The Comedy Thesaurus features more than three thousand quips from the funniest people on the planet—everyone from Margaret Cho and Conan O'Brien to Eddie Murphy and Lewis Black. Arranged A to Z by subject (accidents, aging, alcohol, etc.) and thoroughly cross-referenced, it's chock-full of hilarious observations. On politics: "You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: It wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena."—Jon Stewart On shopping: "Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to, and the one white people used to go to."—Chris Rock On sex: "Engaged women have sex 2.9 times a week. And the .9 is really frustrating."—Jay Leno And that's just the beginning. Full of laugh-out-loud remarks from the most popular comedians on the planet, The Comedy Thesaurus is a terrific resource for writers, speakers, fans of stand-up comedy, and anyone who appreciates a good joke.