A sharp, dark, humorous debut about a teenage commando wannabe who runs amok in a boot camp for juvenile delinquents. Fourteen-year-old Loren is obsessed with all things military: Special Forces, secret missions, rules, and regulations--it's all so finite and orderly. Especially compared to other parts of Loren's life. His mom, for example, keeps introducing him to a string of loser boyfriends, and the latest one, the golf pro, is so irritating that Loren decides to stage a night raid and vandalize his beloved golf course. When the mission goes embarrassingly awry, Loren's mom sends him to Camp Ascend , where a dedicated staff of specialists are trained to whip "mixed-up" teens back into shape. Or so it seems. What Loren's mom doesn't know--and what Loren soon discovers--is that Camp Ascend is actually a scam run by an ex-con nicknamed "the Colonel," his ditzy, overly tanned wife, and her manic, kid-hating brother. And so Loren finally has a real-life mission: to free himself and his new posse of delinquent friends from Camp Ascend and to take the place down.