Making Families Work and What To Do When They Don't offers specific recommendations for increasing family harmony through more effective parenting practices. This important new book helps parents improve family understanding and relationships by reducing the emotional interference--anger, betrayal, guilt, shame, and fear--that blocks healthier and happier family connections. Each chapter is laced with knowledge and therapeutic humor that examine dimensions to family living in a way that helps parents lighten up a little rather than tighten up a lot. Parents will find that encouraging family members to take one another less seriously increases their opportunities for more constructive interactions. Marital and family counselors, social workers, psychologists, guidance counselors, psychiatrists, and other human service professionals can use the valuable information in this book to help families view their interfamilial relationships more objectively and to take each other less seriously, creating more constructive interactions and happier, stronger relationships. Therapists will learn to encourage clients to question and challenge conventional ideas of the family that often lead to demands, exaggerations, irrational expectations, personalizations, and self- and other judgments, all of which contaminate the family relationship.Using the scientific principles of rational thinking, Author Bill Borcherdt questions the relationship between parents and their children and the degree of influence parents have over their children. He places the focus on a parental advocacy model by which parents are encouraged to give themselves some emotional slack and to develop a sense of humility for what they can and cannot do for their children. This starts the process of family members learning what to realistically expect and accept from one another. Borcherdt shows readers that by taking the sacredness and "golden" rules out of the definitions of family living, emotional upset and oppositional behavioral obstacles can be minimized and more emotional well-being and family fulfillment can be experienced.Each chapter in Making Families Work and What To Do When They Don't is lined with knowledge and therapeutic humor that examines dimensions of family living in a way that assists families in loosening up a little rather than tightening up a lot. This improves family members'understanding of and relationships among one another by reducing the emotional interference--feelings of anger, betrayal, guilt, shame, fear--that blocks healthy, happy family connections and by offering specific practical recommendations for increasing family harmony. Through his analyses of 30 topics of family living, presented under the umbrella of learning what to realistically expect of imperfect parents of imperfect children in an imperfect world, Borcherdt reveals to readers that: individuals are active participants in creating their own emotional problems and disturbances people exaggerate the significance of past family disturbances emotional slack and fewer unrealistic demands of self and others leads to a happier family family members often disturb themselves unnecessarily by escalating family values into sacred demands families don't shape character, they reveal itUnlike other books about family living, Making Families Work and What To Do When They Don't analyzes the dysfunctional ideas that family members hold about themselves and others rather than the dysfunctional relationships that naturally exist between fallible human beings. In this guidebook, readers learn creative, new ways of approaching old family problems, and they gain succinct explanations of how they can help their own and other families do things differently and do different things to improve emotional and behavioral well-being within the family.
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这本书简直是为所有在人际关系中挣扎的人量身定做的指南!我最近读完后,感觉就像是拿到了一份关于如何航行复杂情感海洋的秘密地图。它没有那种高高在上的理论说教,而是用一种极其接地气的方式,深入探讨了我们在亲密关系中常常遇到的那些“卡壳”时刻。作者似乎对人类的脆弱和矛盾有着深刻的洞察力,能够精准地捕捉到那些我们自己都难以言明的微妙之处。比如,书中关于“有效倾听”的章节,我以前总觉得自己在听,但读完才发现,我过去只是在“等待我的回合来发言”。这种小小的顿悟,却能瞬间改变你与伴侣或家人交流的质量。更让我印象深刻的是,它并没有鼓吹一种不切实际的完美关系模型,反而坦然接受了冲突和不和谐是生活的一部分。它教会我如何将争吵视为一次深入理解彼此的机会,而不是一场必须分出胜负的战争。全书的节奏把握得非常好,既有理论支撑,又不失实际操作性,读起来完全不会感到枯燥乏味,反而有一种被理解和被赋能的感觉。这本书,说实话,比我过去花大价钱参加的几次昂贵工作坊都要有用得多,它提供的是一种可以融入日常生活的智慧,而不是转瞬即逝的激情。
评分这本书的结构设计简直是教科书级别的流畅。它并非简单地堆砌建议,而是构建了一个层层递进的认知框架。第一部分让你看清“你以为的关系是什么样子的”,第二部分毫不留情地揭示“它实际上是什么样子的”,最后一部分才是真正的“如何修补和前行”。这种递进感让读者在阅读过程中不断产生“啊哈!”的瞬间。我尤其欣赏作者在处理“原生家庭影响”时的深度和敏感度。它没有将所有的责任都推给童年经历,而是强调了成年后我们如何有意识地去“再教育”自己对亲密关系的期望和反应模式。很多时候,我们以为自己是独立自主的个体,但实际上,我们的许多防御机制都是童年时期为生存而采取的策略,在成年后反而成了关系的绊脚石。这本书就像一位温和但坚定的治疗师,引导你探索这些根深蒂固的模式。我发现自己开始在面对压力时,能够更慢、更审慎地做出反应,而不是本能地启动旧有的战斗或逃跑模式。对于那些寻求深刻自我觉察的人来说,这本书的价值无可估量。
评分如果用一个词来形容这本书的阅读体验,我会选择“解构”。它将我们对“家庭”和“亲密关系”的浪漫化、理想化的表象一层层剥开,直达核心的运作机制。它迫使你跳出自己的情感泡泡,以一种近乎人类学家研究自己社群的冷静视角来审视你最私密的关系。我特别欣赏它对“期望管理”的细致分析。我们关系中的许多痛苦源于我们对伴侣或家人的期望超出了他们作为普通人所能提供的范围。这本书清晰地界定了“伴侣的责任”和“自我的责任”,避免了将对方神化或妖魔化的倾向。它提供了一种务实的心态:关系是两个独立且不断成长的个体在同一时空下的协作项目,它需要持续的谈判和调整。对于那些觉得自己的关系已经进入“平台期”或“僵局”的人来说,这本书就像一次高强度的“关系系统维护”,它不会让你感到被指责,而是被武装起来,准备好以更成熟、更清晰的头脑去面对接下来的挑战。
评分市面上充斥着大量关于如何“吸引”或“维持”爱情的肤浅读物,但真正能帮助你在关系破裂的边缘或处于低谷期如何稳住阵脚的,却少之又少。这本书的独特之处就在于它的“不完美主义”——它承认失败是过程的一部分,而不是终点。它提供了一套处理“不可调和的分歧”的实用工具箱。我曾以为有些问题是注定无解的,是两个人性格差异的铁律,但书中介绍的几种“共存策略”让我看到了新的可能性。这些策略并不保证关系会变得“完美”,但它们确保了双方的尊严和基本需求能在冲突中得到最大限度的尊重。此外,书中对“界限设定”的讨论非常到位,它不仅教你如何对别人说“不”,更重要的是,教你如何理解和尊重别人对你说“不”的权利,以及这种“拒绝”本身如何能够巩固而非削弱关系。它的语言风格是那种带着知识分子特有的严谨性,但又不失人性的温度,读起来非常可靠和令人信服。
评分我必须承认,一开始我对这种“关系手册”类的书籍是持保留态度的,总觉得它们无非是老生常谈的“多沟通,多体谅”的翻版。然而,这本书彻底颠覆了我的固有印象。它最成功的地方在于,它敢于直面那些我们通常选择性忽略的“灰色地带”。比如,书中探讨了“身份的侵蚀”——当我们过度投入一段关系时,我们是如何慢慢失去自我的棱角和兴趣的。这种对个体独立性在亲密关系中动态平衡的讨论,是很多同类书籍避而不谈的。作者的文笔极为细腻,读起来有一种阅读优秀文学作品的享受,但其内容却有着极强的实用性。我特别喜欢其中关于“情感债务”的比喻,它形象地解释了为什么一些小小的、看似无关紧要的积累会最终引爆巨大的矛盾。它引导读者进行深度的自我反思,而不是仅仅将焦点放在对方的错误上。读完之后,我开始用一种全新的视角审视我过去几年与家人的互动模式,发现了很多过去被我美化或合理化的负面循环。这本书不是提供速效药,而是教你如何成为一名更具耐心的关系园丁,持续地耕耘和维护。
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